Facts about semen part 2

14. Most sperm can’t even swim straight.

Upon being ejaculated into a moist and willing vagina, only about one in five sperm even have the basic common sense to start swimming upstream toward the female’s egg. Others will swim in circles. Yet others will simply tread water.

15. Sperm are either male or female.

Sperm will either carry a female “X” chromosome or a male “Y” chromosome—not both—which will eventually determine the baby’s sex. Male sperm allegedly swim faster, but female sperm are said to be stronger during that long, deadly Heart of Darkness-styled ride upstream toward the egg.

16. Those li’l tadpoles like it cold.

The main reason you have a scrotum in the first place is so that people can make fun of the word “scrotum.” The second reason you have a scrotum is that healthy sperm enjoy temperatures about seven degrees lower than the average human body temperature, so they like to “chill” by hanging in that disgusting little skin hammock between your legs. Men also produce more sperm in the winter than in the summer.

17. Those li’l tadpoles die when it gets hot.

If you spend too much time in hot tubs, you will effectively turn your sperm into hundreds of millions of boiled eggs, rendering you sterile—if that’s your idea of a good time. It can also lower your sperm count for up to six months. The condition is known as “scrotal hyperthermia.” Other instances of sperm-death-by-overheating can be caused by tight underwear and putting your laptop…in…your…lap.

18. Some women are allergic to semen.

The condition is known as “seminal plasma hypersensitivity” and can cause redness, swelling, itching, and burning in the vaginal area. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you. It only means that her body hates your sperm.

19. Semen makes a good cosmetic.

A compound in semen known as “spermine” is an antioxidant known to smooth wrinkles and alleviate acne. Spermine is featured in cosmetic creams offered by several swanky high-end spas to the tune of about $250 per tube. Surely there are more natural and frugal methods to obtain spermine? Whatever could they be?

20. Semen has antidepressant qualities.

Semen contains dozens of compounds that that have all been known to alleviate the psychological malady known as “the blues.” Semen is a mood-enhancing potion that contains cortisol, estrone, oxytocin, prolactin, melatonin, and serotonin.

21. Dead sperm can still fertilize an egg.

In laboratory settings, scientists have been able to fertilize female human eggs using dead human sperm. Apparently the DNA, dead or alive, is all that’s needed to start bakin’ a baby.

22. Frequent ejaculation improves sperm quality.

Even if you don’t want to reproduce, there is no reasonable or justifiable excuse for not ejaculating as frequently as possible, even if you’re forced to take matters into your own hands.

23. British spies in World War I used semen as invisible ink.

No, I’m not k**ding. And the name of the high-ranking military-intelligence official who ordered a study on whether semen would make an effective invisible ink was “Mansfield Cumming.”

24. Wireless technology can damage sperm.

It’s not only the heat from a toasty laptop that can kill or harm your sperm—the very WiFi connection that allows you to post on Facebook twenty thousand times a day can potentially harm both sperm and eggs. Radiofrequency electromagnetic waves are thought to induce oxidative damage to both sperm and eggs.

25. It only takes one ball to get the ball rolling.

If you have only one testicle—like, say, you’re Lance Armstrong—you can still produce enough healthy sperm to reproduce.

TC mark